"in the end they had to carry me to the infirmary and feed me through plastic tubes."

Another one bites the dust. I'm finished with End Zone, DeLillo's second, the football soap opera. In the end it has less to do with plastic tubes than man's violent nature, with football as the metaphor (subtle, huh?). It's the low point so far, which is saying something considering Americana's radical spin over the edge. Onto Great Jones Street, about an East Village rocker. The namesake is just a couple blocks away, so I'm quite eager.

"monsoon sweep, string-in left, ready right Cradle-out, drill-9 shiver, ends chuff, broadside option, flow-and-go."

At least the Don DeLillo's football plays have words like "monsoon" in them.

I'm in the throws of party preparation at the moment ... I'm making that dip we always ate at special occasions at my house ... I've already had to run to the store for more mayonnaise. Ha. Anyway, if you're not watching the Oscars tonight you're being quite silly. I'm continuing the family tradition of having a party. I'm quite excited, of course.

"he's in exile in libya because his government frowns on sci-fi."

I'm in the middle of End Zone, DeLillo's second novel, and so far it's a pretty straightforward football novel. What gives? I'm waiting for a nuclear meltdown or some mention of guerillas and they're talking about pass interceptions. There's been a little chatter about warheads, and I think we're inching (ever-slowly) to the brink of chaos, but it's just pussy-footing around. Come on!

"that was all, just a kiss between paragraphs."

I thought today's Tuesday top five should be Oscar-related. The ceremony will go on this Sunday (thank goodness they settled that strike) and as I've mentioned before, I grew up with Oscar parties. It's nostalgia, americana, glitz and lore. I'm toying with having a get-together myself, but I'm on the fence. I don't know if my friends are that into it, but I'm sure if I sell it as a sequin and botox extravaganza (with wine, no less), they'll at least show.

Speaking of sequins, the outfits at these things are half the fun. So, here we go, my ceremonial countdown of the five most outrageous Oscar outfits (according to me, and outrageous not necessarily meaning bad).

1. Cher, as a goth pinata. The year? Trivial. This is our past, present and future. She hasn't aged, so why should we date the picture. It's Cher at her most Cher. This is why we love and cherish, and why it's so much less fun without her.

2. The Amex Dress. The motley Australian duo to the right won the Best Costume Oscar for the smashing The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (which is you haven't seen, you really shouldn't be reading this blog). We shouldn't have been that surprised at Lizzi Gardener's attire, as she did outfit Guy Pearce in a dress made of flip flops for that film. It did cause quite the stir in 1994 ... and how many other costume designers do we still gab about today? Looking at this picture now, though, I wonder why we didn't make a bigger stink about her design partner's apparent lack of pants. Talk about a double standard.

3. Charlize Theron, now co-starring with a giant, black bow. First off, I love her. A few years ago, she not only had to deal with snarky pundits bemoaning her nomination for North Country, but she showed up in couture and the fashionistas started in as well. It's a bold, very runway look, and I applaud it. Outrageous? Of course. Awful? Puh-leeze.

4. Geena Davis vs. a rufflied, white train. Within five years, she was in Cutthroat Island. Need I say more?

5. It's ... Cher, again! I just couldn't help it. Different hat. Different decade. Same face! Eeep!

"this is charles of the ritz. this month's lipstick is salmon puree."

Don't mistake the quote above with the previous few entries. One of these things is not like the other. The last few titles were from camp classic Valley of the Dolls, which I saw for the first time just a few weeks ago.

This title, though, comes from Americana, Don DeLillo's first novel, which I just finished. I'm reading all of DeLillo's books, in order. One down, thirteen to go.

Americana is pretty uneven ... it follows a snarky television executive who leaves New York on a cross-country quest to document real, American lives ... you know, to find our what America is all about. DeLillo nails New York corporate culture, and this satirical first part of the novel works quite well. And there are priceless lines and dialogue. But it descends into near incoherent philosophical babble. Oh well. The first of many.

"that's me singing on that jukebox"

For this week's Tuesday top five, I thought I'd share my thoughts leading up to and following my trip to the voting booth this morning.

1. For just about the last two weeks: CLINTON
2. For a scant moment earlier this week, I don't know what was going on, but: OBAMA
3. In the voting booth: CLINTON
4. Post-voting booth. Remember that crack about buyer's remorse from Clueless?: OBAMA
5. And right now, sitting in bed with a tummy ache: I JUST DON'T KNOW

So to sum it up, I'll quote Elvis Costello quoting Burt Bacharach, "I just don't know what to do with myself."

"boobies, boobies, boobies. nothin' but boobies. who needs 'em?"

Leave it to Jezebel to post this photo of Helena Bonham Carter under the title "Helena Bonham Carter is a hot mess." Granted, she's not looking as striking as normal (certainly not the goth guy's wet dream that she was in Sweeney Todd), but give her a break. She just gave birth, like, a month ago. Now, I'm admittedly quick to jump to HBC's defense. I am one of the few who bucked the naysayers and wholly embraced her heartbreaking turn in Sweeney. Sure, she can't sing, but she embodies Mrs. Lovett's lovelorn desperation with grace and depth. Add that to stirring turns in The Wings of the Dove, Howards End and Fight Club and she's above the average snark monger's petty fashion criticism.

That's all.

"I took the job because I needed the work. The sanitarium was very expensive."

We're going to play a little game. This week, the heading of each entry will be a quote from one of the most ridiculous camp classics around. If you (any of the four of you who read the blog) can guess the film, you'll get bragging rights and my utmost respect.

112 things - part 7

49. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
50. Walking is my preferred mode of transportation.
51. I ride the F train.
52. I can't help but order duck if it's on the menu.
53. I just switched to Issey Miyaki cologne.
54. Of all brands, I think Penguin most closely matches my personal aesthetic.
55. But really, I don't have a clearly defined personal aesthetic.
56. I'm a runner.